About Food

I have talked a lot about food, making it, being the most relevant topic. And I have thought a lot about food, a lot about making it, but also a lot about our relationship with food, more specifically, my relationship with food and how it has evolved over time.

I was once talking with a wonderful woman who said to me, "Lilly, I wish that I could only eat because i want to and not because i need to."  My eighteen year-old-self agrees entirely. Until recently, eating was a hastle, a chore to be written on your to-do list then crossed off when you remember to bring a pb&j to work with you. It was not the enjoyable experience I now look forward to when thinking up what to make for dinner. It was a struggle every day.

There is a lot of focus on food in our culture and we can look at it from many different angles. You may identify with the foods of your family (see my last post, chili: why you'll never be able to throw things in a pot like your mother) or maybe with your geographical region, "I am from New England and thus I eat a lot of potatoes."Maybe it is your heritage you identify with or you have recently come to learn you have a food allergy and are learning how to enjoy (or possibly resent) the types of food you are allowed. Maybe you just got out of school and you are enjoying Ramen, frozen pizza or whatever you can get at Ocean State Job Lot that week (which I suggest to everyone, because sometimes they have some really legit stuff).  Our situations in this moment in time dictate what we put on our plates.

But that doesn't dilute all the negative food culture that surrounds us. And I don't mean "magazines make women feel they have to be thin, etc. etc.", that is a topic for a different post on a different blog.  I mean that no matter our situation, it is likely that you feel you could be doing better - whatever that means for you. Now, where I get overwhelmed in this schema is in the information overload. No matter what side of the weight/health fence you sit on, there is a vat of information to be stirred up and poured down your throat, just listen to John Tesh (which I do). And generally, I find, that people sift through the stockpile, pick out the bits and pieces that they like/want/find and incorporate them into their belief system. Seldom do you find that all your own puzzle-piece food beliefs match up with anyone else's. This makes sense, you see, because we all have different bodies, wants, and different ways of fulfilling the need to care for ourselves.

The problem occurs then, when one person insists on imposing their own beliefs on another. (I realize that you can extrapolate this system to many other situations, but right now we are just talking about food). I am happy to hear your woes and your ways of reconciling them, objectively, because these are your beliefs and who am I to interject myself into them? But please don't expect that others are looking for your advice on the subject unless they ask you directly. I am becoming increasingly better at saying "thank you, but I am not looking for advice on the subject" (here I am talking about more than just food). It is incredibly hard. Maybe you are much better at it then me. Congrats. You are very brave. But the truth of the matter is you aren't going to change your belief systems until YOU want to. Do you want to? Do you want to ENOUGH to change?

Maybe the health risks dictate the NEED to change your habits. But need and want bring very different meanings to that sentence. You can understand the health risks and still skip that next meal or choose pork sausage over the much more health conscious but less flavorful chicken sausage (me and the butcher have this conversation on the regular - he insists he would rather die of a heart attack than eat chicken sausage). The much harder part seems to be the transformation of your desires to match your needs (your priorities, essentially).

I have been thin my whole life. When I was a kid I went through this really awkward stage where I was very skinny with long, stick-like limbs and a gigantic head. No lie, I looked like a bobble-head. There are pictures. Eventually I grew into my head, but it took a while. Eating wasn't a centerpiece of our family culture and my appreciation of food was low on the list of priorities. I just wanted to eat when I wanted to, not because I needed to. Some times were better than others, depending on the situation and I would bounce back and forth between being conscious of it or not. And then one day that changed.

People can share their concerns with you, and most of the time it is frustrating because you already know what they are going to say. And because you already know, you are like, "shut up please". Because knowing something, and doing something are two entirely different beasts (which we tend to remember for our own benefit, but immediately lose sight of when we are giving someone else advice). You have to be ready to hear what they are going to say and it is going to have to matter to you ENOUGH to change your beliefs for YOURSELF. ( I think this also contributes to why we begin to understand things we have heard our whole lives only after turning twenty) And when Ethan and I had this conversation, it was like I had never heard anyone speak before, and it all made sense, and yes, yes I was going to change. I was going to do better to care for my body.  I am going to need to live in it for long time, after all. (Most women on my mom's side live long, long lives). And I'm going to need to have some children to take care of me when I am old and crazy (crazier). (Sidenote for my mother - FUTURE children)

And I'm not saying that it was easy, and it took a very long time. Look at me now, writing this blog! Who would have thought. And I don't even try to count the calories, just the nutritional information sometimes. And I am conscious of ingredients, etc. and I do try to eat "healthy" but that means something different for everyone, I am learning.  So each time I add half a stick of butter, hell, maybe even the whole stick! to some recipe I am making, I don't fret. If I was worried about my health, there are A LOT of things I would have to cut out before I got to the butter problem. And maybe you are at the butter problem right now, and this is probably not helpful advice. But I just NEED to leave the enjoyment in the cooking right now, and for me that means spending my research time looking at different recipes and reading wikipedia instead of trying to substitute out ingredients for healthier ones.  It ruins it for me. It brings me down. And I have worked really hard to climb this high.   And you have to do what works for you, ultimately.

Chili: Why you'll never be able to "throw stuff in a pot" like your mother

Maybe you are learning to cook. Maybe you hate cooking. Maybe you think everything you make tastes the same. Maybe you are the King or Queen of hamburger helper. Either way, there is probably someone in your life - mother, father, grandmother, etc. - whose food is pretty much THE BEST FOOD EVER, and yours, however good, seems dismal in comparison. For this scenario, I say, you can't fault yourself, you'll never be able to throw stuff in a pot like your mother.

For example, my mom makes this excellent pasta salad with angel hair pasta, basil, garlic, cherry tomatoes and olive oil. That's it. Those are all the ingredients. But for the life of me, no matter in which order or proportion I add the ingredients, it's NEVER right. Not once have I made it correctly. IT'S ONLY 5 INGREDIENTS!!! How hard can it be? Well, I have since quit trying because ... I give up.

And they say to you, "well I don't really keep track, I just throw it in" and at first I am like, well I can do that - sounds easy enough. And then it's not. And it doesn't taste the same. And I'm convinced there is some kind of bottled magic you are adorned with when you become a mom. If that's true, no one has let me in on the secret.

This is the case with most things but I struggle most with things in my head that have a signature taste - my mom's lasagna, pasta salad, pasta sauce and chicken soup, or Ethans' mom's goulash, chili, or baked brie or Nikki's pasta salad. Because you know that no matter how hard you try it will never taste as good as whatever you are sure it tastes like in your head. Chili is no different, I've had a handful of good chilis in my life, but I'm a tough sell because I don't generally enjoy things that require me to eat a large bowl of something that lights my mouth on fire.

And after doing much research, I realized you can put just about anything in a chili. Anything you want. How the hell am I supposed to make it taste good if there are so many options? And if you know me and Ethan, you'll know we are the least decisive people ever. So I have decided to provide a list of possible ingredients, that you could put in your chili, if you were so inclined.

Chili

What will you need?
Beans (cannellini, kidney, black, whatever you got) (except in Texas style chili which may or may not have beans)
Cans of diced tomatoes (get fancy and use the flavored ones)
Sugar
Salt
Pepper
Chili Powder

These are the skeleton ingredients. Nearly every recipe I have looked at (and I have looked at A LOT) uses these ingredients in some fashion or another. But there are tons and tons of other things to "throw in there", like...

Meat (Burger, Sausage, other cuts of beef that I can't name of the top of my head)
Bacon
Chicken
Pork
Beer
Onion
Sweet Peppers
Hot Peppers
Tomato Paste
Brown Sugar
Honey
Chocolate (?)
Red Pepper Flakes
Worcestershire Sauce
Hot Sauce
Garlic
Cumin
Broth

 After you have cooked your meat with onions, etc. add the rest of your ingredients to the pot or slow cooker and let simmer. Ta-da! All done.

PS. So it wasn't EXACTLY Ethan's mom's chili, but it was still pretty good for never having made chili before. Serve with cornbread. Chili SHOULD ALWAYS BE SERVED WITH CORNBREAD, in my opinion.  Ethan insists on Saltines. 

Molasses and Oatmeal, Carmelized-Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips

If you have gotten past the incredibly long name of this recipe, congratulations! Its not actually complicated even though it sounds it. 

I have screwed up more recipes than I can count over the last month (hence my lagging posts). And I mean screwed them up GOOD! Here is my running list:

yeast rolls (3x!)
mashed potatoes
coleslaw
melting chocolate (2x!)
peanut butter balls
flourless chocolate cookies (no thanks to you, martha stewart)
broccoli
pumpkin bread
peanut butter kiss cookies

it continues. But the other day I made a KICK ASS chicken pot pie (although i cheated and used a store-bought crust). Still it has renewed my inspiration, so I've cleaned out the refrigerator and started a list of things to start on. First up is:

Molasses and Oatmeal, Carmelized-Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips 

What will you need?

1c. all-purpose flours

1/2c. whole wheat flour

2/3c. oats (i only have 1/2 c. oats and 1 package banana flavored oatmeal)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1/2c. sugar

4 TBS butter

3 tsp brown sugar

1/3c. molasses

2 eggs

~1c. ripe bananas (about 2)

1 tsp vanilla

2 1/2 TBS cream (you could also use yogurt, use whatever you have)

1/3c. - 1/2c. chocolate chips (or walnuts, or whatever you want)

Its a long list, but its really easy and was honestly a wonderful, unusual, incredible bread. It is dark, and because of the molasses doesn't rise as much as a traditional bread. But it is really, really good. Promise. 

Combine flours, oatmeal, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt in a bowl. Set aside. 

 In a separate bowl or mixer combine 2 TBS butter, sugar and molasses. Beat until smooth. In a sauce pan, combine the remaining 2 TBS with the brown sugar over low heat. Add bananas and increase to medium heat. Simmer 4 minutes and then let cool 5 minutes before adding to sugar/butter/molasses mixture. Beat until smooth. Add eggs one at a time. Finally add vanilla, cream, and chocolate chips.

Combine with dry ingredients and pour into a well greased bread pan.  Bake at 350˚F for 45 m or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Make This Now: Cracker Toffee

Last night I had a dream about parchment paper. It is obviously time to get back in to the kitchen.

So make this now:

Cracker Toffee

You might remember this as "saltine candy" which can be any number of variations and, to my knowledge, they are all the same thing if you choose to use saltines for the cracker part. But this stuff is delicious and addicting so I don't suggest you make too much all at once. Don't blame me if you do.

Did you know? Saltines are made with just four ingredients: flour, shortening, yeast and baking soda. They are also called a "soda cracker". The amount of shortening used sets them apart from more "buttery" crackers, like ritz. Aside from being, in my opinion, the worst tasting cracker on earth, crackers like Saltines have been around for hundreds of years because they keep for a very, very long time. The F.L. Sommer & Company starting making what we think of as a traditional saltine in 1876. This company later became Nabisco.

What will you need?

1 sleeve saltines - I used 24 crackers in my 9x13 pan, to give you an idea (see below)

4 TBS unsalted butter - to be honest i don't know if it matters to much, but if you think saltines are salty enough as is, don't being adding more salt in with the butter.

1/2 c. brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 c - 3/4 c. chocolate chips - depending on your preference

see! easy peas-y.

Arrange your crackers in a single layer in your pan (9x13 or otherwise). If you are using a bigger pan, make sure to adjust your recipe to add more butter and brown sugar or you will be sad.  From looking around at other recipes, I think most people use a lined, cookie sheet - the kind that has an edge around it? But I don't have one of those, so meh. Try not to leave too much space between your crackers. You could use broken cracker bits to fill in the cracks, if you want.

 In a sauce pan, combine 4 TBS butter (half a stick) and 1/2 c. brown sugar. Combine over medium heat, stirring constantly, just until it reaches a boil. Once it reaches its boiling point, remove from heat, stir in 1 tsp vanilla and pour over crackers. Best to kind of drizzle it, so you can get it across the entire pan. You won't be able to soak all the crackers evenly, so don't stress about that. Pop in the oven at 400˚F for 5-6 minutes. You will notice (if you can still see through the grease built up on your oven window) that it will bubble. This is good. Remove from the oven and pour chocolate chips on top, they will begin to melt. You can spread them with a spoon to cover the tops of the saltines, also hiding any spots that may not have gotten soaked in your brown sugar and butter mixture.

 Once you have spread your chocolate chips, you can top it with just about anything you like, or nothing if you prefer. I used saltine crumbs (because it makes them look really fancy!) and toffee bits I had in the cabinet. But chopped nuts would also be delicious. All up to you. Let cool in the refrigerator for at least 1-2 hours. When it is entirely set, break into pieces with a knife or fork and store in the refrigerator or freezer.