About Food

I have talked a lot about food, making it, being the most relevant topic. And I have thought a lot about food, a lot about making it, but also a lot about our relationship with food, more specifically, my relationship with food and how it has evolved over time.

I was once talking with a wonderful woman who said to me, "Lilly, I wish that I could only eat because i want to and not because i need to."  My eighteen year-old-self agrees entirely. Until recently, eating was a hastle, a chore to be written on your to-do list then crossed off when you remember to bring a pb&j to work with you. It was not the enjoyable experience I now look forward to when thinking up what to make for dinner. It was a struggle every day.

There is a lot of focus on food in our culture and we can look at it from many different angles. You may identify with the foods of your family (see my last post, chili: why you'll never be able to throw things in a pot like your mother) or maybe with your geographical region, "I am from New England and thus I eat a lot of potatoes."Maybe it is your heritage you identify with or you have recently come to learn you have a food allergy and are learning how to enjoy (or possibly resent) the types of food you are allowed. Maybe you just got out of school and you are enjoying Ramen, frozen pizza or whatever you can get at Ocean State Job Lot that week (which I suggest to everyone, because sometimes they have some really legit stuff).  Our situations in this moment in time dictate what we put on our plates.

But that doesn't dilute all the negative food culture that surrounds us. And I don't mean "magazines make women feel they have to be thin, etc. etc.", that is a topic for a different post on a different blog.  I mean that no matter our situation, it is likely that you feel you could be doing better - whatever that means for you. Now, where I get overwhelmed in this schema is in the information overload. No matter what side of the weight/health fence you sit on, there is a vat of information to be stirred up and poured down your throat, just listen to John Tesh (which I do). And generally, I find, that people sift through the stockpile, pick out the bits and pieces that they like/want/find and incorporate them into their belief system. Seldom do you find that all your own puzzle-piece food beliefs match up with anyone else's. This makes sense, you see, because we all have different bodies, wants, and different ways of fulfilling the need to care for ourselves.

The problem occurs then, when one person insists on imposing their own beliefs on another. (I realize that you can extrapolate this system to many other situations, but right now we are just talking about food). I am happy to hear your woes and your ways of reconciling them, objectively, because these are your beliefs and who am I to interject myself into them? But please don't expect that others are looking for your advice on the subject unless they ask you directly. I am becoming increasingly better at saying "thank you, but I am not looking for advice on the subject" (here I am talking about more than just food). It is incredibly hard. Maybe you are much better at it then me. Congrats. You are very brave. But the truth of the matter is you aren't going to change your belief systems until YOU want to. Do you want to? Do you want to ENOUGH to change?

Maybe the health risks dictate the NEED to change your habits. But need and want bring very different meanings to that sentence. You can understand the health risks and still skip that next meal or choose pork sausage over the much more health conscious but less flavorful chicken sausage (me and the butcher have this conversation on the regular - he insists he would rather die of a heart attack than eat chicken sausage). The much harder part seems to be the transformation of your desires to match your needs (your priorities, essentially).

I have been thin my whole life. When I was a kid I went through this really awkward stage where I was very skinny with long, stick-like limbs and a gigantic head. No lie, I looked like a bobble-head. There are pictures. Eventually I grew into my head, but it took a while. Eating wasn't a centerpiece of our family culture and my appreciation of food was low on the list of priorities. I just wanted to eat when I wanted to, not because I needed to. Some times were better than others, depending on the situation and I would bounce back and forth between being conscious of it or not. And then one day that changed.

People can share their concerns with you, and most of the time it is frustrating because you already know what they are going to say. And because you already know, you are like, "shut up please". Because knowing something, and doing something are two entirely different beasts (which we tend to remember for our own benefit, but immediately lose sight of when we are giving someone else advice). You have to be ready to hear what they are going to say and it is going to have to matter to you ENOUGH to change your beliefs for YOURSELF. ( I think this also contributes to why we begin to understand things we have heard our whole lives only after turning twenty) And when Ethan and I had this conversation, it was like I had never heard anyone speak before, and it all made sense, and yes, yes I was going to change. I was going to do better to care for my body.  I am going to need to live in it for long time, after all. (Most women on my mom's side live long, long lives). And I'm going to need to have some children to take care of me when I am old and crazy (crazier). (Sidenote for my mother - FUTURE children)

And I'm not saying that it was easy, and it took a very long time. Look at me now, writing this blog! Who would have thought. And I don't even try to count the calories, just the nutritional information sometimes. And I am conscious of ingredients, etc. and I do try to eat "healthy" but that means something different for everyone, I am learning.  So each time I add half a stick of butter, hell, maybe even the whole stick! to some recipe I am making, I don't fret. If I was worried about my health, there are A LOT of things I would have to cut out before I got to the butter problem. And maybe you are at the butter problem right now, and this is probably not helpful advice. But I just NEED to leave the enjoyment in the cooking right now, and for me that means spending my research time looking at different recipes and reading wikipedia instead of trying to substitute out ingredients for healthier ones.  It ruins it for me. It brings me down. And I have worked really hard to climb this high.   And you have to do what works for you, ultimately.

Chili: Why you'll never be able to "throw stuff in a pot" like your mother

Maybe you are learning to cook. Maybe you hate cooking. Maybe you think everything you make tastes the same. Maybe you are the King or Queen of hamburger helper. Either way, there is probably someone in your life - mother, father, grandmother, etc. - whose food is pretty much THE BEST FOOD EVER, and yours, however good, seems dismal in comparison. For this scenario, I say, you can't fault yourself, you'll never be able to throw stuff in a pot like your mother.

For example, my mom makes this excellent pasta salad with angel hair pasta, basil, garlic, cherry tomatoes and olive oil. That's it. Those are all the ingredients. But for the life of me, no matter in which order or proportion I add the ingredients, it's NEVER right. Not once have I made it correctly. IT'S ONLY 5 INGREDIENTS!!! How hard can it be? Well, I have since quit trying because ... I give up.

And they say to you, "well I don't really keep track, I just throw it in" and at first I am like, well I can do that - sounds easy enough. And then it's not. And it doesn't taste the same. And I'm convinced there is some kind of bottled magic you are adorned with when you become a mom. If that's true, no one has let me in on the secret.

This is the case with most things but I struggle most with things in my head that have a signature taste - my mom's lasagna, pasta salad, pasta sauce and chicken soup, or Ethans' mom's goulash, chili, or baked brie or Nikki's pasta salad. Because you know that no matter how hard you try it will never taste as good as whatever you are sure it tastes like in your head. Chili is no different, I've had a handful of good chilis in my life, but I'm a tough sell because I don't generally enjoy things that require me to eat a large bowl of something that lights my mouth on fire.

And after doing much research, I realized you can put just about anything in a chili. Anything you want. How the hell am I supposed to make it taste good if there are so many options? And if you know me and Ethan, you'll know we are the least decisive people ever. So I have decided to provide a list of possible ingredients, that you could put in your chili, if you were so inclined.

Chili

What will you need?
Beans (cannellini, kidney, black, whatever you got) (except in Texas style chili which may or may not have beans)
Cans of diced tomatoes (get fancy and use the flavored ones)
Sugar
Salt
Pepper
Chili Powder

These are the skeleton ingredients. Nearly every recipe I have looked at (and I have looked at A LOT) uses these ingredients in some fashion or another. But there are tons and tons of other things to "throw in there", like...

Meat (Burger, Sausage, other cuts of beef that I can't name of the top of my head)
Bacon
Chicken
Pork
Beer
Onion
Sweet Peppers
Hot Peppers
Tomato Paste
Brown Sugar
Honey
Chocolate (?)
Red Pepper Flakes
Worcestershire Sauce
Hot Sauce
Garlic
Cumin
Broth

 After you have cooked your meat with onions, etc. add the rest of your ingredients to the pot or slow cooker and let simmer. Ta-da! All done.

PS. So it wasn't EXACTLY Ethan's mom's chili, but it was still pretty good for never having made chili before. Serve with cornbread. Chili SHOULD ALWAYS BE SERVED WITH CORNBREAD, in my opinion.  Ethan insists on Saltines. 

Molasses and Oatmeal, Carmelized-Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips

If you have gotten past the incredibly long name of this recipe, congratulations! Its not actually complicated even though it sounds it. 

I have screwed up more recipes than I can count over the last month (hence my lagging posts). And I mean screwed them up GOOD! Here is my running list:

yeast rolls (3x!)
mashed potatoes
coleslaw
melting chocolate (2x!)
peanut butter balls
flourless chocolate cookies (no thanks to you, martha stewart)
broccoli
pumpkin bread
peanut butter kiss cookies

it continues. But the other day I made a KICK ASS chicken pot pie (although i cheated and used a store-bought crust). Still it has renewed my inspiration, so I've cleaned out the refrigerator and started a list of things to start on. First up is:

Molasses and Oatmeal, Carmelized-Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips 

What will you need?

1c. all-purpose flours

1/2c. whole wheat flour

2/3c. oats (i only have 1/2 c. oats and 1 package banana flavored oatmeal)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1/2c. sugar

4 TBS butter

3 tsp brown sugar

1/3c. molasses

2 eggs

~1c. ripe bananas (about 2)

1 tsp vanilla

2 1/2 TBS cream (you could also use yogurt, use whatever you have)

1/3c. - 1/2c. chocolate chips (or walnuts, or whatever you want)

Its a long list, but its really easy and was honestly a wonderful, unusual, incredible bread. It is dark, and because of the molasses doesn't rise as much as a traditional bread. But it is really, really good. Promise. 

Combine flours, oatmeal, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt in a bowl. Set aside. 

 In a separate bowl or mixer combine 2 TBS butter, sugar and molasses. Beat until smooth. In a sauce pan, combine the remaining 2 TBS with the brown sugar over low heat. Add bananas and increase to medium heat. Simmer 4 minutes and then let cool 5 minutes before adding to sugar/butter/molasses mixture. Beat until smooth. Add eggs one at a time. Finally add vanilla, cream, and chocolate chips.

Combine with dry ingredients and pour into a well greased bread pan.  Bake at 350˚F for 45 m or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Make This Now: Cracker Toffee

Last night I had a dream about parchment paper. It is obviously time to get back in to the kitchen.

So make this now:

Cracker Toffee

You might remember this as "saltine candy" which can be any number of variations and, to my knowledge, they are all the same thing if you choose to use saltines for the cracker part. But this stuff is delicious and addicting so I don't suggest you make too much all at once. Don't blame me if you do.

Did you know? Saltines are made with just four ingredients: flour, shortening, yeast and baking soda. They are also called a "soda cracker". The amount of shortening used sets them apart from more "buttery" crackers, like ritz. Aside from being, in my opinion, the worst tasting cracker on earth, crackers like Saltines have been around for hundreds of years because they keep for a very, very long time. The F.L. Sommer & Company starting making what we think of as a traditional saltine in 1876. This company later became Nabisco.

What will you need?

1 sleeve saltines - I used 24 crackers in my 9x13 pan, to give you an idea (see below)

4 TBS unsalted butter - to be honest i don't know if it matters to much, but if you think saltines are salty enough as is, don't being adding more salt in with the butter.

1/2 c. brown sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 c - 3/4 c. chocolate chips - depending on your preference

see! easy peas-y.

Arrange your crackers in a single layer in your pan (9x13 or otherwise). If you are using a bigger pan, make sure to adjust your recipe to add more butter and brown sugar or you will be sad.  From looking around at other recipes, I think most people use a lined, cookie sheet - the kind that has an edge around it? But I don't have one of those, so meh. Try not to leave too much space between your crackers. You could use broken cracker bits to fill in the cracks, if you want.

 In a sauce pan, combine 4 TBS butter (half a stick) and 1/2 c. brown sugar. Combine over medium heat, stirring constantly, just until it reaches a boil. Once it reaches its boiling point, remove from heat, stir in 1 tsp vanilla and pour over crackers. Best to kind of drizzle it, so you can get it across the entire pan. You won't be able to soak all the crackers evenly, so don't stress about that. Pop in the oven at 400˚F for 5-6 minutes. You will notice (if you can still see through the grease built up on your oven window) that it will bubble. This is good. Remove from the oven and pour chocolate chips on top, they will begin to melt. You can spread them with a spoon to cover the tops of the saltines, also hiding any spots that may not have gotten soaked in your brown sugar and butter mixture.

 Once you have spread your chocolate chips, you can top it with just about anything you like, or nothing if you prefer. I used saltine crumbs (because it makes them look really fancy!) and toffee bits I had in the cabinet. But chopped nuts would also be delicious. All up to you. Let cool in the refrigerator for at least 1-2 hours. When it is entirely set, break into pieces with a knife or fork and store in the refrigerator or freezer.

Rhetorical Soup

"You sought knowledge when you should have sought yourself. So while you flung open the doors of your mind so too did you slam shut the doors to your heart. If you never wake and if you never find the truth in those old words, then find the truth in mine. 

Rouse what remains of your character so that you might be someone, instead of being someone else." G.F.

I spent my last night at Smith College in the lab. cleaning. it felt like the right thing to do. This space, after all, will have held nearly ever good memory I will have of my college experience. 

It is May. It is warm. It is lonely inside this building but I prefer it that way - when it is quiet. I am sad but somehow not at all. I won't be moving on, after all. 

For weeks (months, really) I've listened as everyone talked incessantly about their plans. About their sadness about having to leave. I try to be sympathetic but it is mostly fake. I've been waiting for these last days for what feels like ever: counting down, checking things off, not saving anything for the last minute. They drag it out too, trying to allow you every second to drink in the last bits of this place when all you want to do is try not to trip as you walk across the stage to snatch your diploma from Carol and get the hell out of there.

Somehow I know that these experiences are pretend. What is real waits for me outside of the iron gates, not in ivy-covered brick buildings but instead in a small house on the top of a hill in a town you have not heard of.  What is real is where I came from before I was here. The only reality here is in books. It's in facts and pages and imprinted in rocks. But when you stop hearing the facts and reading the books and seeing the rocks because you've stopped searching for reality and started only trying to finish your homework, it's over for you. The reality that is available here, it's over for me.

I am tired and not from lack of sleep. I sleep all the time.

For my friends, this is the beginning. I congratulate you. Go out, away from here, and begin the rest of your lives with incredible confidence and tenacity. Be the person you want to be and have learned to be, here. Savor every experience until the right one comes along. It is coming. You will be brave in the face of adversity. You will not be silent when you observe injustice.  You will fight to protect the rights of your future daughters. And so will I.

Please understand, however, that this is the middle for me. My life will not begin anew when I walk across the stage, although still many uncertainties will lay ahead.  And before you get ahead of me, if their is fleeting pity in your hearts at this moment for some kind of intellect wasted, stop. Stop right now. Find it inside yourself to believe me when I say that I have knowingly chosen this path for myself. Maybe the only decision I've ever made not cloaked with the martyr inhabiting me. Please don't belittle the weight of my words by suggesting that I am harboring secret ambitions from you. I am not. 

At some point during the year, I could no longer reconcile my sadness. I had experienced such success and no longer could I find solace in it. This existence was superficial, at best. not real. I was twelve different people, one for every scenario, plus one extra for on-paper. For anyone else who has attempted this mathematical improbability that you can divide yourself into 12 different personas, that is 12x100% of yourself, for every second of the day = 1200% = not real. The only place you get a break is driving in the car, alone, or sleep. They're the only methods of escape. 

If I am so smart, like they say, why the struggle? Why not use this experience as a platform to jettison myself out into the world? Why the hardship in place of what would be a very successful career? It's not the doubt, if that is, at first, your reaction. It's anything but that. Some days, I am so strong. Like a tiger or an ox. I could do everything, all at once. I could continue exerting the full force of my self, pouring my energy out like sand grains in my egg timer, but I am finally feeling my emotional boundaries here, in these last moments, maybe for the first time. I've finally found it, the edge.

"The energy needed to maintain this life in masks and veils is far greater than the proposed energy expended on the anxiety of the unknown". 

Birthday Coconut Macaroons

 I turned twenty-three today. I feel so much older. Like at least forty. I tried to cancel my birthday this year but was told that if you cancel your birthday you die. I don't feel that old. 

Anyway, the news of the day is that I am now the proud new owner of a kitchenaid stand mixer (in red, of course).  My instinct was to begin baking as soon as it came out of the box. Legit. But Ethan had to play with it first, and I decided I would wait until I cleaned the kitchen again. 

I always thought I would get a mixer, maybe as a wedding gift. My friend, Nikki, and I always like to admire them on black friday.  But Ethan's gone and bought me one, probably saving me years of shoulder pain and considerably raising the bar on my food.

Coconut Macaroons

Admittedly, I TORCHED the first batch of these I tried to make a few weeks ago. I thought that the 20 minutes of baking time was also a good time to start my lesson plans. ITS NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BAKE THINGS WHILE DOING LESSON PLANS. You will end up with little charcoal golf balls. But these ones came out just perfectly. 

What will you need? 

2 egg whites

1 pinch salt

1 pinch cream of tartar (probably not necessary if you don't have it, but it helps to stiffen the egg whites, useful especially if you are beating the egg whites by hand)

2 tsp to 1/4 c. sugar

2 1/2 c. coconut

1/2 tsp vanilla

parchment paper (i'm not kidding)

Combine your egg whites, salt, and cream of tarter in a bowl. Whisk or use an electric mixer to beat the egg whites until they begin to froth and turn white. Add your vanilla slowly once your egg mixture has begun to form soft peaks. Also add your sugar, a few teaspoons at a time and continue to mix until the egg whites form stiff peaks. I used less sugar (2 tsp) because I was using sweetened coconut and I planned to cover them with chocolate. Use more sugar if you like sweet macaroons, sweet things in general, or don't plan to smear chocolate on the tops of them. Fold in the coconut a bit at a time. It should form somewhat of a ball in the mixing bowl, if not, add more coconut a TBS at a time. Don't mess with the mixture too much, if possible. Place small spoonfulls of this mixture onto a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Use the parchment paper. Trust me. Go to Ocean State or Big Lots and pick some up for $2.00. It's worth it.

Bake 15 to 20 minutes at 325˚F. Keep an eye on them in the oven. They are done when the bottoms are brown as are the tops.

Take out of the oven and remove from the cookie sheet. Cover with something delicious like dark chocolate.

Gluten-Free Recipes for Rachael

1/3 of my time I eat gluten-free. Not of my own accord, I might add. The little boy I take care of is gluten-free, dairy-free and I have to say, it's been an interesting experience. When I first started working with him, I would have nightmares that I was feeding him milk and bread and all sorts of things chocked-full of dairy and wheat. It took me at least a month to figure out how to feed him correctly because at first it seems like he must not be able to eat ANYTHING. But that's just not true, I know now.

I had never paid much attention to the seemingly ever-increasing, gluten intolerance because dairy and wheat must make up most of my diet. And you know what? If you are gluten-free you should rejoice in the fact that you can probably still eat dairy, because a lot of those gluten-free alternatives that have been popping up everywhere for the things you probably want to eat but think you can't most likely have milk-powder or milk-products in them. But I guess if you are gluten-free and dairy-free or vegan, you're most likely not reading this blog anyway.

So even if you aren't gluten-free, do you wonder why you've probably been hearing a lot about gluten intolerance lately? Seeing the gluten-free alternative next to things in the supermarket you've been buying forever? Me too. So I've been doing some research.

What is gluten, anyway?
Gluten is a wheat protein (not the kind of protein you think of when reading dietary requirements, but the kind which is a molecule formed from different kinds of amino acids and perform many functions within the human body) found in all varieties of wheat products including rye and barley but also things like couscous. It is the protein in flour that, in traditional bread-making, aids in the rising of the dough as well as a dough's elasticity. Some wheat-based flours have more gluten then others, depending on their purpose.

Where do you find gluten?
Gluten protein is found in wheat products and products in the wheat "family" (FUN FACT for my geologist friends: these are members of the "true grasses" family, 65.5 Ma - present). These products include but are not limited to wheat, barley, rye, bulgur, semolina, traditional pasta, spelt, and are also hidden in many products you may not think of like sausage, baked beans, soups, sauces, soy sauce, instant coffee, and salad dressings. If you are eating gluten free, or think you may have a gluten intolerance make sure to read all labels - even when it seems like there wouldn't be wheat present.

So what can you eat?
So after holding this job for 2 1/2 months now, I've come to the conclusion that there is no reason not to eat well or most of the things you want because you are gluten free. You just have to be committed to making the things you want with alternatives, of which there are many: oat flour, corn flour (maize), quinoa (i've eaten SO much quinoa) rice flour, millet, almond flour, buckwheat (not related to wheat at all!) and lucky for us so many NEW options like King Arthur Flour's new multi-purpose gluten-free all-purpose flour, gluten-free Bisquick, gluten free pastas and gluten free breads (check out Udi's products).

Gluten-free snacks in my tool kit:
1. pizza toast
2. eggs all ways
3. quinoa salad (see below)
4. baked tofu with gluten free soy-sauce
5. tomato soup
6. anything in a gluten-free pie crust (freezer section of most health food stores)
7. cheeseburger on gluten-free bread
8. fishcakes

Quinoa Salad

If you are freaked out by the idea of trying a new grain, try to put that behind you for just the one recipe. The first time I tried barley, it was really weird. But it's good to just give yourself more options. Especially if your options have already been limited by gluten-intolerance.

What will you need?
1 1/2 c. quinoa
1/2 c. toasted pine nuts or walnuts (if you have an aversion to nuts, try finely diced carrots or celery for some crunch)
1 c. english cucumber, diced
1 tomato, diced
1/4 c. red onion, diced
parsely (fresh is best)
1/4 c. olive oil
3 TBS lemon juice
salt and pepper

Cook you quinoa according to package directions. It won't seem like a lot of quinoa, but I promise it is enough.  Chop all your vegetables. When your quinoa is done, fluff it with a fork (IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO STIR THE QUINOA WHILE IT IS COOKING). Add olive oil, all your vegetables, nuts (or alternative), lemon juice and salt and pepper. Serve hot or cold depending on which you like (or how cold it is, currently, in your apartment. No lie, I think I can see my breath). If you can, and you LOVE cheese like me, try topping with feta, shredded cheddar or parmesan.

Coming Soon... Recipes for Rachael Part II: Gluten Free Pot-Pie
Also Coming Soon... Thanksgiving for Poor People

Apple Turnovers for Sandy

I have cleaned everything. I've cleaned all the little knobs on the stove with q-tips. I unscrewed the shower drain to clean underneath it. I've donated three bags to goodwill so-far. Pretty soon the whole house will be clean and I'll have to start over or I'll have to find another outlet for my nerves (to clarify - general nerves, I'm not that concerned about the hurricane). The truth is I just haven't been motivated to cook anything in the last couple weeks. I have eaten all the lean cuisine in the fridge though, so it is about time I get to doing something.

I'm not a "neat" person anyway, Ethan will tell you. I am the queen of losing important envelopes or receipts I've written notes on the back of, to large, towering stacks of mail, books, and newspapers (mostly circulars). We had to move some of the stacks under the couch to make more room. At any given time I have as many as 5 projects ongoing - most of which are taking place inside my head - with pieces of each scattered around the house.

But today I managed to use what seems like every dish in the house making apple turnovers from scratch. I've wanted to try these since I've been able to browse the glorious apple selection now available and the season is pretty much coming to a close. What could be a better time than on the brink of an impeding disaster? Everyone needs a little dessert with their torrential rain, high winds and possible snow.

Apple Turnovers

Pies are cool but there is something about eating a turnover that is so much more satisfying for me. Pie is good the first night, but you can eat turnovers for breakfast. I will be eating turnovers for breakfast tomorrow, because they are delicious. You can't eat pie for breakfast. 

What will you need? 

For the crust:

14 TBS butter (almost 2 sticks)

2 1/4 c. all-purpose flour + more for rolling

1/3 c. water

2 TBS apple-cider vinegar

1/2 tsp salt

For the filling:

2 TBS butter 

4 Apples of your choice, I used 3 Granny Smith + 1 pear because pears were on sale

1/2 c. brown sugar (whichever type you have, or prefer)

1 tsp cinnamon

1 TBS cornstarch

1 TBS water

This is pretty much an all day project so don't go procrastinating if you really want to get this job done. Making the crust is fairly straight-forward when you read about it but the whole thing can go wrong pretty quick - too much kneading, not enough kneading, too much water, not enough water. WARNING: This is my first crust ever! My mom makes a really great pie crust but then she tells me "oh just go buy it at the store". Not as fun Mom! Not as fun. Gotta figure it out. 

 So freeze your butter. It's a great trick, especially if you don't have a stand mixer which it seems like everyone does except me. Lucky ducks! Using a cheese grater, grate your 14 TBS of cold butter into 2 1/4 c. sifted flour. Mix around to coat the butter. Put in the freezer/fridge. Dissolve 1/2 tsp salt in 1/3 c. water then add 2 TBS apple-cider vinegar. Put this in the freezer for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes take out your bowl and water-vinegar mixture. Add a little liquid at a time to the flour until it starts to become sticky. At this point you may need to add a little more ice water until the dough forms a ball. STOP MIXING/KNEADING WHEN THE DOUGH IS IN A BALL. Split into two balls, flatten somewhat and wrap in wax paper. Put in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour or up to 3 days.

 When you're ready, melt 2 TBS of butter in a large skillet. Cut up your fruit into small cubes and place in the skillet. Add 1/2 c. brown sugar and 1 tsp cinnamon. Stir. Let simmer 5-10 minutes stirring regularly. Increase heat to medium, add 1 TBS Cornstarch mixed with 1 TBS water, to thicken. Stir 2 minutes until thick. Let cool.

 When you're ready, roll out your dough, 1 ball at a time, into a large square or circle. Cut into 4 pieces and drop ~1/4 c. of apple filling in the center of the dough. Fold in half and crimp edges around with a fork to seal. Plug up any holes in your dough! Or your oven will just be a mess.

Make several slits in the top of your turnover to vent before putting in the oven for 25 minutes at 400˚F.

ps. THE CRUST WAS DELICIOUS!

Recipe for the Wedding Bell Blues

This pumpkin recipe is good medication for whatever blues you've got since it is delicious, terrible for you, and kind of good for you too! Plus your kitchen will never smell better.

Weddings are funny. At the same time that they are a super-fun, incredibly happy event celebrating a couple's love for each other, they also feed on whatever doubtful, self-destructive, anxiety-ridden cocktail you have brewing inside you. I am not saying that I wish it was me in the beautiful empire-waisted gown walking down the aisle but part of me wishes I could fast forward to a nice August day in the future when I am walking down the aisle in a similar wondrous gown awaiting 'til death do us part'.

People in my newsfeed are getting married, engaged and having babies like everyday. Everyday! I'm not jealous - well not all that jealous - I just want to find a way to creatively filter these events so I don't have to feel the pressure. Everyone's doing it! It's like ninth grade all over again.

So you go to the wedding and it is beautiful and fabulous and all the things a good wedding should be. (Plus the food was awesome!!) But it leads you on this mental safari through your own plans for your "ideal" wedding, then some guilt for even thinking about it, then more thinking about it - especially about how you would like to make your own cake, god knows that would take at least a year of planning - then more guilt, topped with another layer of guilt, all in a pressure cooker that we're going to let rest for a couple years. The title of this should actually be "Recipe for Wedding Bell Anxiety".

Then you go home, cry, cook a pumpkin and doing some yoga breaths.

Also try really really hard to convince your boyfriend that even though you're crying, and stuffing your face with leftover cake, you're not actually trying to put any pressure on him to get married or whatever.

Not-From-A-Can Pumpkin Bread

Do me a favor and just try this, just once, if you've never cooked a sugar pumpkin before. You won't be disappointed. 

 What will you need?
1 sugar pumpkin (you'll have extra, so get a freezer bag ready)
1 1/2 c. (unbleached) all-purpose flour
1/2 c. sugar (use more sugar if you want or if you don't have maple syrup)
1/4 c. maple syrup (or honey or whatever other sweeteners you like)
1 tsp baking soda
1 c. pumpkin puree
1/4 c. olive oil
1/4 c. vegetable oil (or some other oil you have or like)
2 eggs
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 tsp cinnamon (adjust if you don't like cinnamon as much as me. I would put cinnamon in everything if I could. Alternatively you could also add allspice, or just use pumpkin pie spice in lieu of the others).
1/2 c. walnuts (optional - i love walnuts but I hardly ever actually put them in anything i bake because they can be such a deal breaker for some).

First things first - roast your pumpkin. This is a lengthy endeavor so you can do it the day before - or a week before! and freeze it. Totally worth it though. Just beware - the beautiful Fall orange color that is a side effect of working with canned pumpkin is lost when working with pumpkin puree. I promise its made up for in taste though. Preheat your oven to 350˚F, cut the pumpkin in half, scoop out the seeds, and place it face down in a baking sheet.  Cook for ~45 minutes or until the pumpkin is soft when stuck with a fork (much like cooking a potato). You'll also notice the skin starting to bubble and come away from the meat inside - this is good. It will be easier to scoop.

 Now to finish your puree you can scoop the insides into a food processor or a blender depending on what you have (or if you don't feel like washing either of those things, just use a potato masher). I suggest straining it through a sieve if you have one so it becomes smooth and less pulpy. Remove 1 c. of puree for your bread and freeze the rest in something freezer-safe. Otherwise freeze everything and wait 'til your up for the task.

 Sift your flour, sugar, baking soda and spices together in a small bowl. Mix the rest of your ingredients (not the walnuts, if you've decided to use them) in a larger bowl then add your dry ingredients. Combine ingredients (plus walnuts if you like) well but don't be overly zealous. Pour into a well-greased 9x5x3 and bake 45 minutes. Check on it no later than 40 minutes! This is how I found out my oven isn't level, I had burnt on side and undercooked the other. Cook until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

The Best Applesauce

The dollars. You gotta have 'em. Cause this girl's got the LOANS (and a pretty serious grocery store addiction).  And while I contemplate whether I can afford to drink 5 large pumpkin coffees a week, I know I am the only one operating on this frequency. But I've never been one to be lavish, at all, ever. The last time I bought something that wasn't on sale was ... never. And I promise the meak consumerism isn't a side-effect of the amateur environmentalist in me, it is that I, lilly, cannot take any more than I need for myself (unless it is shirts from a 5$ and under rack). Can't do it. Don't want to.

So I've been working a lot. All the time. And then there is all the life stuff...laundry, dishes, bills. On top of that being present in your relationship, your work, your life. And I'm talking really being present. Not just when you want to and no matter how many coffees you have to suck it up and pay for. Because if I expect that of other people, I have to be there too. It's all well and good, but it makes you tired, too.

The Best Applesauce

Since I have the best job ever I got to spend the day picking these beauties at Windy Hill Farm. Picking is not really the word for it since the farm unfortunately lost all of there apple crop in the Spring. Instead we picked different kinds of apples from bins throughout the orchard. Colin wasn't all that into it, but I had a good time.

What will you need?
6 Large Apples, cored and quartered (you can use as many apples as you want, but 6 is a reasonable batch for a large pot)
1 c. water
1 small finger of ginger, sliced thick (optional)
Juice from 1/2 a lemon
Cinnamon (optional)
Maple syrup (optional)

Core and quarter your large apples. I'm told if you want chunky applesauce, you can peel your apples and let them cook until they are soft enough to mash with a potato masher. But if you are looking for beautiful pink applesauce, leave those skins on! The process is lengthier but it does come out so nice.

Place your apples and water in a pot and bring to a boil. Reduce heat (add ginger if you are using it - definitely use it!) and simmer for 20 minutes or until the apples are soft when you stick a fork in them. If you are lucky enough to have a food processor than by all means, break that out. But if your like me, you can put it in your hand-me-down blender, in small batches if necessary.

Strain the old fashioned way, or don't strain at all. Beware of stray ginger bits if you don't.

Return to the pot and add lemon, cinnamon and/or maple syrup. Honey is also a good sweetener, but it is pretty sweet on its own. Make a ton and put it in the freezer! Freeze flat in freezer bags for easy storage.

How to Approach a Turnip

At the BigY Turnips are $0.78/lb. I am hard pressed to find any produce cheaper than that. It could be because turnips are ugly, a non-staple, and a royal pain in the ass. So of course I bought one.

I don't not like turnips. I am just not sure why you would buy them in lieu of all the other wonderful fall harvest items that are available. Even at less than a dollar per pound you still have the dilemma of how to get your boyfriend to eat them. Something I pondered for 2 1/2 wks before feeling up to the task. Here's the answer: hide them.

During the 2 + weeks of consideration on the turnips, I had the pleasure of traversing the entire state of New York on me and Ethan's first vacation in two years! It was wonderful. Niagara falls is really as amazing as everyone says it is and really something you have to see for yourself.  The tourism thing is fun for a day or so but a continuation of it can be kind of a drag. Yes, I know you would like to take 3 bazillion pictures of yourself in front of the falls, on the Maid of the Mist, at Cave of the Winds, in front of the Niagara sign, in front of the Hard Rock Cafe sign and really any sign you can find but at some point isn't it enough? Do you seriously have a 16 GB SD card in your iPhone?

Nevertheless, it was a great time. It's nice to have time to enjoy all the things you like about your relationship instead of reminiscing about them between work shifts, meals and sleep.

Turnip Potato Hash Brown Patties

I wish I had remembered to take a picture of these beauties while they were frying. By far the most delicious looking of all the recipes I found while googling "turnip". Believe it or not, the pickins' are slim. 

So the trick is to hide the turnip inside a fried potato which you then cover with runny, delicious over-easy eggs. Anyone will eat turnips like this. I promise.  

What will you need?

1 Large Potato cubed (1/2 in)

about the same amount of turnip cubed (1/4 in)

1 Egg

1/4 cup unbleached all-purpose flour

1 TBS lemon juice

2 chopped scallions (about 3 TBS)

salt and pepper (whatever you prefer)

1/4 c oil (or 1/8 c oil and 2 TBS butter)

Boil a pot of water then add the cubed potatoes and turnips. Make sure that the potatoes are bigger then the turnip cubes! They need to cook about the same time. Boil 15-18 minutes depending on the amount you have. Be careful when cutting the turnip too, it's like a rock! Drain, add the rest of the ingredients (not the oil) and mash until combined - not too much. Heat a large skillet to medium-high-ish heat with oil until it's very hot - i'm not kidding!  Drop 3-4 TBS into skillet and flatten with the back of a spoon or spatula. Cook 4 minutes, then flip. Cook 3 minutes or until browned. Serve with runny eggs! Yay! They will be delicious fried little morsels with a hint of turnip - not overly turnip-y. 

Romney, Zombies, and Fall-themed Couscous

I want to have a beautiful life. That's all. It doesn't sound all that complicated when i see it written down. Some people want to have money, or a phD, fame, fortune, a family. I just want to be at peace.

Right now I would settle for falling asleep or sleeping through the night. No matter how loud the volume on the tv is it doesn't seem to drown out my anxiety on those nights. What if I lose my job? Heaven forbid something happens to Ethan. What if we can't pay back our debts? What if I never figure out what I want to do? and then it escalates to the threat of a Romney presidency, melting polar ice caps and a seemingly inevitable zombie apocalypse if you believe the TV.

The trouble with anxiety is that no matter how crazy it seems the next morning, in the moment it is very real and incredibly imminent. You'd swear that all these things will happen to you as soon as your alarm sounds. So really the only combatant is to not sleep.

Or just watch South Park until my eyes literally roll back in my head.

Roasted Apple and Butternut Squash Couscous

If you're looking for a good way to take advantage of the fall harvest, try this! I read about roasted apples for a really delicious looking cake on my favorite website (smittenkitchen.com!) and i thought wow! what an interesting technique. So I had some apples kicking around and a butternut squash (my favorite squash!) and decided to give the whole thing a shot. 

I used 1 braeburn apple but in retrospect I suppose I would have used a better looking cortland. Cube everything up and throw it in the oven at 375˚ with a little bit of olive oil. Cook until the squash is soft (~ 25 m) and about 20 m for the apples. You only have to use a little bit of squash (3/4 c).

Prepare your couscous and toss together with 1/4 tsp. onion powder, salt and pepper. Since it's a little sweet because of the apples, it would go really well with something salty, like chicken or fish.  I've thought about it and I don't really know that the whole thing would work with any vehicle besides couscous, but if you have any ideas, let me know!

Veggie Fritters: a better way to eat vegetables you don't like!

Over the last couple years I've had a lot of hateful things to say about my experiences at Smith College. It can't be for everyone. It wasn't for me. And I've wondered whether, knowing what I know now, I would have changed my decision to attend - chosen instead to move to North Carolina or Worcester or Amherst. Would I have had a better experience? A different experience - that's for sure. 

But hindsight is 20/20. Someone I dislike dearly was always saying that. And I'm like "DUH", but seriously - it's so much easier to sit on my couch now and pretend I knew what I was doing all that time. You can have a plan, it might even be a super-awesome incredible plan! Then one day you can wake up somewhere you never thought you would be and go, "shit. this isn't the person i want to be! this isn't the day i want to have."But what is the day you want to have? Who is the person you want to be? And then you say "shit" again, because you don't know. 

Have you ever heard the Baz Luhrmann song "Everybody's Free to Wear Sunscreen"? If you haven't, and you weren't at the Gateway High School Graduation for the class of 2007, you should youtube it right now. Every time that I listen to it, it's relevant. But about five years ago, I never paid much attention to this part:

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone."

Now I think about it all the time. Am I going to be one of those 40 year olds ?!

I can still be an interesting, good person if I don't know where I'm going, right? Well, somedays it feels like it and some days it doesn't. I guess that's the way it is.

My only other advice to you: eat vegetables.

Veggie Fritters a million ways

Say you have a lot of broccoli. Or you think you should start dieting so in an effort to eat healthier you BUY a lot of broccoli and then you are like... shit. I have all this broccoli. What ever will I do? And then you get over the idea of eating healthier and break out the cheese and oil and the frying pan. In the end you aren't really any healthier but you can pretend if you want!

So you take your 3 cups of broccoli (or whatever veggie as long as it's nothing too soft, mushrooms would be great or peppers) and chop it up into chunks. Use the stems too, they r just as good! Just slice or peel the tough outer part off. Steam for 5-6 min. DO NOT OVERCOOK! You'll be so sad. Meanwhile beat 1 egg in a large bowl with 1/2 c. flour, 1/3 c. parmesan (not shaker, if you can help it) 1 clove smashed garlic, salt and pepper. Add broccoli and mash together with a potato masher (preferably the kind that looks like a squiggle). Only mash a few times to break down broccoli, you're not making a paste here. (If you've got anything else in the fridge you're looking to get rid of this is a good time to throw it in). Fold the rest of it together. Finally heat a medium skillet with 2-3 TBS olive oil+vegetable oil. Don't jump the gun and put your first one in before the oil is completely heated or you'll have one soggy fritter. Drop 2-3 TBS of batter in the skillet and flatten with whatever you have handy. Heat 2-3 min. flip. Heat 1-2 min. If you're really going to do it, do a test run where you cook only one fritter in the pan before you go pro and try to cook a few at a time.

We had these with a lemon sour cream sauce (super easy - if you only have a little bit of sour cream, just squirt a tbs or so of lemon juice into the container and shake, just don't forget to label it if you're going to put it back in the fridge.. whoops).

Dear September, sneaking up on me like that is not very nice...

OMG ITS SEPTEMBER AGAIN. OMG. OMG.

How did that happen? One day your graduating college and the next! BOOM! September roles around again and your sitting on your behind at 11:00 on a Tuesday watching CSI:NY. There might be Ben & Jerry's involved. It's very odd, not going back to school when you've associated September with books and notes and Smith College Convocation for so many years but my new job is keeping me busy - very busy.
Ethan HATES the Fall. I put it in caps because he is really serious about it. When everyone else is winding up for school, ooOOoing and AAhhhhing at the leaves changing and drinking apple cider, Ethan is being a hater.  So I made him these cookies:

Nutella or Peanut Butter Stuffed, Brown Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

They look absolutely delicious. I know. They make you want a chocolate chip cookie at this very moment! Well you are in luck dear reader, if you have a little extra time in your day (and who really does right now?) for a cookie with a little something extra in the middle. Just think - you deserve it! Now at first glance you think, just an ordinary cookie recipe and it is... but it isn't because of this pesky brown butter aspect. Now let me tell you, browning butter isn't hard ... but it isn't all rainbows and daffodils either.  After you've mixed all your dry ingredients (2 c. flour, 1 tsp baking powder, 1/4 tsp salt) get your sauce pan out. Now if you have a stupid oven like mine, you'll have to figure out what medium actually means then and add 12 TBS butter (cut them as evenly as possible). Whisk this constantly until it has a nutty smell to it - sometime shortly after the frothing has subsided. Remove from heat, cool briefly, and add to 1 c. dark brown sugar and 1 c. granulated sugar. Add in 1 egg and 1 1/2 tsp vanilla. Add your dry ingredients and then fold in chocolate chips - its really up to you how chippy you like them. I do about 1 1/2 c. of whatevs mix of chips I have in the cupboard. Set this mixture in the fridge for 1-2 hrs. YES, THIS STEP IS IMPORTANT. Trust me. 

Wait. Its hard, i know. 

When you're ready preheat your oven to 350˚F. Take a spoonful of dough (you know the smaller one, not the biggest one in the drawer) and flatten it out in your palm. Add your peanut butter or nutella and fold the edges up to seal. Make sure its sealed! You don't want nutella dripping out all over your  baking sheet and oven making a big old mess in there. Squash down a little tad and bake 9-11 minutes! (really only cook them for 9, if you don't want little hockey pucks when they've cooled). 

Fried Chicken...third times the charm!

"Ever thought about losing it
When your money's all gone and you lose your whip
You might lose your grip when the landlord tell ya that you're due for rent
And the grass so green on the other side
Make you wanna run straight through the fence
Open up the fridge 'bout twenty times
But still can't find no food in it
That's foolishness"

B.O.B. ft. T. Swift "Both of Us"

Maybe I've watched Soul Food one or one hundred times too many, but frying chicken seems a staple act for anyone hoping to hold their own around the kitchen.  And cooking good fried chicken! that elevates you to kitchen goddess status.  Now, I never said that you have to like fried chicken or eat it (for us dieters out there! - just kidding, just earlier today I read an article about why no person should ever eat fried food ever again, a lot of good use that was.) But really, frying edible chicken without lighting the house on fire is a serious goal of mine, which I achieved today! Well kind of. 

Now if you account for my living in Massachusetts and being a wicked New Englander of sorts, I can cook a hearty potato-based meal and maybe even whip up a pie if I'm feeling lucky that day (probably only apple or blueberry). But fried foods of a delicious home-cooked nature just don't make it to the menu for the most part. You can call it calorie counting, but somehow I doubt that is it. If I could only admit to you the number of times per week we eat take-out, you would know what I mean. 

I've been trying to get better about cooking the things that we buy. It seems like a really difficult concept, I know. BUT WERE ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE ABOUT IT! No matter how many groceries I buy I find that one of us is always running to the store for something - milk, cookies, ben&jerry's (understandably). It absolutely has to stop. I am pretty sure they are starting to know us by name at the BigY. So what is a cheap solution to getting some protein and satisfying your carnivore boyfriend? Chicken. And the best thing about chicken is that if you slather it in enough of whatever you have on hand, it almost always covers up whatever botched effort you've exerted. 

So this week I've attempted chicken three ways: 

1. chicken with garlic and herb spice rub

2. chicken with peach pomegranate jam

3. extra-crispy fried chicken

See! Its all chicken but I've added some variety! However I bet there is already a blog called apoorpersonsguidetothekitchen. I wish I had thought of that sooner. If I don't ever find a real job and have to convert to full-time blog writing and homemaking or whatever you call it these days, I'll be sure to start that blog. Don't steal it! dibs. 

1. chicken with garlic and herb spice rub: seemingly straightforward enough. First I read about this in one of my kitchen bibles: How to Cook Everything by Mark Bittman. And it sounds easy enough! But early on I made a fatal mistake - I used my cast iron. Now I love my cast iron pans but WARNING: know your pots and pans. I mean really get to know them. And not over a bottle of wine because that always seems to go wrong for me. I can't ever get the heating right with the cast iron, so like many times before I turn the burner on and the whole thing becomes a roaring inferno of chicken killing madness. But it is too late because by the time I notice I've already sent my poor garlic and herb spice rub covered chicken breasts into the fire. And they cook! they do cook. Just not evenly, or without filling my entire apartment with enough smoke to ensure someone in the neighborhood could call the fire department. 

2. chicken with peach pomegranate jam: we had such good intentions for this particular dish. The chicken was actually Ethan's job on this particular night. And he, like myself only a few days earlier, foolishly chose the cast iron. I didn't even warn him! Evil of me really... However he chose our cast iron grill-pan, the one with the little grates at the bottom so you can have grill marks and cook inside? So he slathers the chicken breasts in this jam (a good start, for sure), heats up the pan with oil and throws them in... and then he works on his computer while I've gone to the store to pick up cookies. When I get home there is smoke coming through the windows and we are now having blackened chicken with peach pomegranate jam. We both ate it but after I ruined the potatoes and spilled my glass of milk on the carpet, I cried a little.

3. extra-crispy fried chicken: and now for our success story! I followed the recipe exactly and used our regular-non-stick-eco-friendly-handy-dandy frying pan. Dredge in flour, dredge in egg, dredge in breadcrumbs (seasoned). Fry in heated pan with 1 TBS oil, 1 TBS butter (don't skimp). I even did a test run, turned up the heat and then fried the rest. Serve with honey mustard whipped with extra honey. Yay!

Unemployment Bread

My whole week is unemployment themed, as August sets in and I've yet again been been turned down for full-time work. So I've been participating in unemployment-baking, unemployment-crafts and unemployment-spackling the holes we've accidentally put in the walls since we've moved in to our apartment. This isn't to say that I'm not working, exactly. I fill in hours here and there at the college where I am temporarily employed as extra help and hire myself out as a lifeguard wherever there is need this week or that week. And these things are great, they pay the bills and that's about all I can really ask. But they can vary week to week and that leaves me, at home, a lot.

So my take on unemployment bread is that you can't use any ingredients you don't already have in the house (or that you can't borrow from your super-great neighbor). This whole thing was spurred by my wonderfully oblivious-to-the-fantastic-world-of-flours boyfriend, who brought me home unbleached bread flour instead of unbleached all-purpose. Worse things have happened, and in this case, it couldn't have worked out better. And although it is still summer, and bread-making seems so much more appropriate during the cool days and nights of early fall, this is New England and it was really fricken cold last night.

I could have made some simple white or wheat bread (not to suggest any part of bread making is really simple, it is much more of an art) but I have a hard time prompting Ethan to eat a whole loaf of something that is essentially... just bread. So in my pre-baking research I stumble across this beauty: Dill Bread (via smittenkitchen.com) and adapted from my other kitchen-must-have, Joy of Cooking. And although it sounds really delicious, I made it mostly since I knew there was a half-eaten container of cottage cheese in the back of the fridge. And really any bread recipe that calls for cottage cheese is okay in my book.

The best part of this bread is that it looks and smells absolutely wonderful. The dill+red onion combination is really a thing of beauty. The addition of honey and wheat germ gives it a sweet/nutty undertone. And aside from that, its a pretty standard yeast-bread: knead, wait, deflate, wait, bake.